this is the stuff

Tonight, Andrew and Jasper were wrestling in the living room by the Christmas tree shortly after we finished facetiming Jamal and then Nana and Papa. I was in our bedroom, reapplying vaseline to my new tat and Brody was so sweetly and tenderly playing peek-a-boo with Walker on the bed. Walker was wearing only a diaper since he had just had a huge pee explosion all over his clothes, and his chubby wubby rolls jiggled as he giggled and smiled and cooed and giggled some more at Brody. From other room, Jasper yells, "Brody, come help!" as he's pinned down by Andrew. Brody instantly stops what he's doing, says, "Sorry, Walk. I aint got no more time!" and raced as fast as his little legs could take him out of our room and out into the living room to save Jasper.


These boys are the most precious brothers! They love each other, the hold fast to each other, and they're FAST as they race around and around and around the house all day long. Oh, how precious it is!!

As Brody raced out of the room to go save Jasper, I thought to myself, "yep. this is what dreams are made of."

God is so incredibly kind!!!

ok- gotta go feed Walk now.

Walker's here!!!

Oh my gracious. I knew it would be sweet. I knew we would love precious Walker with all our hearts. But boy. Little did I know just HOW sweet it would be, and just HOW overwhelming our love for him would be!!

I'm often moved to sweet tears with the preciousness of life, and my love for my family, and the thought that we almost never had a third child and oh, how THANKFUL I am that we did!! Praise God that His ways are higher than mine, and His thoughts greater than mine! He knew what we needed long before we ourselves knew, and I'm so thankful He did! Walker's just the perfect little missing piece of our family. And I can't stop kissing him!!

Andrew's been off work for a week, and it's been amazing!! He has another 5 days or so at home, and I wish he could stay forever. lol. He's been so good to me and the boys. I don't deserve him at all!!

J and B have just been angels! They are so, so loving toward Walker and so eager to help me and have had such great attitudes about everything! They are just so joyful and loving and patient. There has been no resentment or jealousy (yet) toward the little guy who occasionally needs all my attention. I know this is nothing short of the grace of God in our family!! I'm so thankful!

Charley has been very, extremely loyal to Walker. It's been crazy to see her loyalty shift so much. Now that she's not quite so intense (for which I'm thankful), it's been sweet to watch.

It's been a very rainy week. No swimming, but lots of indoor activities, so that's been nice.

My incision is healing very well, my pain is minimal, and my milk supply is abundant. All things to praise God for!

Our church body has just been amazing! Bringing us meals and gifts and groceries and texting to see how they can help and pray. They have just been awesome and such a gift from God!

I just finished an hour and half in the Word, and it was so refreshing for my soul! The Word of God really does bring life to the soul!

I'm in Galatians 4, and learning about the purpose of the law (demands explicit obedience, revealed sin, very conditional, showed men their need and guilt, given by angels to Moses, prepared men for Christ, was a stern jailor, was also a preperatory tutor, introduced a period of imprisonment, and introduced a universal sense of need, moral helplessness, and utter condemnation) verses the promise given to Abraham (which was gracious, had power to bless, defines the very disposition and purpose of God, found it's fulfillment in Christ, unconditional gift of grace, given directly by God and thus on a higher plane than the law, was found in the incarnation of Christ which was to prepare for the redemption, redemption was for the grace of adoption for those who have faith, and b/c of adoption there has been the gift of the Holy Spirit by which our hearts can cry "Abba, Father", a loving and trusting entreaty.) It's been such a great study! Praise God for the grace of adoption!

Ok, I'll sign off for now, bc I want to go snuggle with the tiniest love.

I love him so much, my heart might just explode. I'll never, ever grow tired of loving this sweet boy!!

2 days!!!

Walker's coming in two days and we're so excited!! We can't wait! Jasper and Brody are really, realllly excited, and B keeps saying, "It's gonna be so much fun when Walker comes out!" I think we're all ready for this to happen. :o) I know my body sure is ready, and our pictures are hung, the car seat is buckeled, the freezer meals are made. the jam is canned, babysitters are lined up for the boys and the dog while we're in the hospital, we've figured out the breast pump and the bassinet and the swing, etc. I think we're ready! The Lord is so kind!

Memorial Day weekend

The Clausons came down and spent the weekend with us!!! It was such a joy! we went swimming a lot and ate a lot of great food. It was a dream! Then today, mom and dad meade came over for hot dogs on the grill, then we all went to the Senoia parade and festivities, then we came home, had naps, and now Jasper and Andrew are playing games on Jasper's tablet while I eat apples and peanut butter and Brody finishes up his nap. Andrew and I are having a date in tonight after the boys go to bed- steak on the new grill! It's just another day in paradise.

dreams are made of this

Almost daily, I find myself stopping, looking around our home, watching my husband and sons interact and laugh, and I think to myself, "people dream of this kind of life. How blessed we are to have such sweet days where dreams are made of." Daily life here is such a joy. Don't get me wrong, there are still tensions between the boys or Jasper being bossy and Brody being defiant, Andrew and I aren't always perfectly harmonized (mostly always my fault), sin creeps in, and such. But overall, when I step back from those few frustrating moments and look at our life from a little bigger perspective, it's such a precious, precious life. And I'm so thankful to God for giving it to us!

It's been a bit of an eventful month, both with great joys and also great trials, both of which have caused us to look to our Savior and either thank Him or feast on His promises in Scripture. It's been a joy, though, to have our trials, bc it's truly through these hard times that we lean on and learn more about our faithful God and His goodness to us.

A few of the afore mentioned joys from the past month:
- Walker's growing and getting big and active!
- Jasper turned 6! We took the fam to Panama City for a long weekend to celebrate his birthday. Oh my goodness!! What a HUGE JOY that was!
- Brody's potty trained and completely in undies now, except at night time and naps, and continues to grow and mature into a spunky, joyful boy!
- Andrew and I had our babymoon staycation and discovered Palmers, a new favorite restaurant in PTC.
- Jasper graduated from Kindergarten and is a rising 1st grader.
- I have made a ton of freezer meals and strawberry jam, which is my jam.
- we've been swimming with a lot of friends a lot of times.
- we went to Chris and Anna's wedding yesterday as a fam, So fun!
- We got to meet cousin Ang and her boyfriend John for lunch in Atlanta today at Six Feet Under. What a treat!
- Clausons are coming down next weekend for Memorial Day Weekend- we can't wait!

A few of the afore mentioned trials from the past month:
- During hour 1 of our babymoon staycation, Panasonic told Andrew they were transferring hi to Detroit. He could decline the transfer, but if he did, he would lose his job effective August 4th. We had a few days to decide. The Lord, in His abundant kindness, made it clear that we were to decline the transfer, which we did, and we've not felt a moment's regret.
- Also in the Lord's kindness and providence, we had the whole babymoon to pray about and process this news while the boys were with mom and dad meade.
- Andrew's been job hunting now, which is always a bit of a taxing experience, I feel. But The Lord promises to make our path clear, and to hem us in behind and before and to lay His hand upon us, and He promises that He will act. So we're trusting Him and thanking Him for unfolding some possibilities at Eaton and LTI and possibly Panasonic and we're waiting to see what He does. I've been begging the Lord to make it clear to us what He has planned, which I'm sure He will b/c he's not in the business of being murky with His children. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will mkae your paths straight." Proverbs 3:4-5. Also, "Delight yourselves in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to Him. Trust in Him, and He will act." Psalm 11something. our bathroom mirror has become a place of God's sweet promises to us, as I write down and tape up promises of God from Scripture. That's another reason why trails are so precious.
- my mom has been having health issues with her autoimmune disorder. It's never fun to see your parents suffer, and this is no exception.

In every aspect of these trails, the Lord has been so kind (From the timing of the news about Panasonic to the fact that Andrew's insurance will conintue after Walker's birth) and He has clearly led us and clearly laid His hand on us. We're so excited to see what happens with Andrew's job, and I know when we're on the other side of this job trial, we'll look back with great joy and say, "great is thy faihtfulness!"

the bed swap

Today, we did a huge bed swap. We moved the antique twin bed to be brody's bed, we moved Brody's crib and changing table to be in Walker's future nursery, we put the Cali King in our room, and we're getting ready to move our old Queen up to Walker's room later tonight. It's so fun getting everything in our house set up just the way we want, and it's so exciting and a little unreal that precious lil' Walker will be joining us soon!

We've been in this house for maybe 9 months now, and it's been nothing but a joy and a blessing. Almost daily, I thank the Lord for this beautiful house in such a beautiful neighborhood, in such a perfect location!

~~~~~~

Andrew got to feel Walker kick for the first time several nights ago! That's such a sweet milestone!

~~~~~~

My mom had a heart scare yesterday afternoon. It caught me off guard and caused me great concern for my parents. Thankfully, after many tests, mom's heart seems to be healthy and strong with no indication that it was in fact a heart attack, for which I'm so thankful. But... if I know her, and I know her quite well, I know that she's very scared and anxious and worried about how much money this is costing dad and she's worried about gma sally. I wish i could help her in some way. But I'll continue to pray and be thankful for good health reports!

~~~~~~~

Brody seems to have a hard time with understanding which phrases to use to convey time; so, he consistantly uses the same phrase whenever he's trying to nail down a certain time or date. And that phrase is, "Dis year?!" For example, he'll say, "Is Dapper going to Coram Deo dis year!?" meaning tomorrow morn. Or... "did I have any dreams dis year?!" meaning last night. Or... "are we going to church dis year?!" meaning this week. It's so darn adorable and I can't bring myself to correct him. He continues to ooze orneriness out of every pore of his body.

~~~~~~

Jasper is sweet and kind and very eager to please. But he has started a mopey phase of life that sneaks in to his psyche almost daily. It's challenging to know how to deal with this mopiness and when to empathize with his boo-boo's and when to tell him to toughen up and when to discipline him for complaining and when to listen to him share his heart, etc. It's been challenging for me.

~~~~~

I planted a few herbs and flowers in the front pots! As I told my mom a few days ago, my heart has been missing herbs and flowers and vegetable plants so much. And, as I told her, these pots are so good for my heart. But then, Brody sat on one out of orneriness, killing half the flowers in the pot. Heaven help us. Also. I will cherish these days for as long as I live. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

I should mention...

the baby's name is Walker Cade Meade! ❤❤❤❤

Precious Walker

Oh my goodness. Walker, I love you so desperately! I wanted a girl so bad, but as soon as it sunk into my heart that you were a precious son, it just feels so, utterly perfect. Like, of course it's a son. What else would it be?? You are the perfect person to complete our family and I CANNOT wait to meet you!! My heart is simply overflowing with joy and love and thankfulness to God for the precious privilege of being your momma. Truly, my cup overflows. And, also, if it's not too awfully inconvienent, please could you be born either in the end of July? But anytime is perf!

In other random news
~~~~~~~

Brody has made a HUGE breakthrough in potty training the last few weeks! He's doing great! Going #1 and #2 all on his own and not having nearly as many accidents! I'm so proud of him! He continues to be a delight and a source of major joy in my life. He's a little chatterbox, and is constantly saying the cutest, darndest things. Brody especially loves playing the "tickle game" after dinner and the boys are often talking about who should be on who's team. B loves showing me how fast he can run and how high he can jump and how big his muscles are. He also loves helping me in the kitchen, which is precious!

Jasper is doing great! He loves school and is exhibiting a heart that loves God and other people. He truly loves other ppl really well. He often prefers others and shares his special snacks with his brother and his friends. He loves school! I've learned recently that yummy snacks is kindergarten currency, lol!, so I've been trying to pack "cool" snacks in his lunchbox. As he told me, "It's (school's) all about trading snacks at recess." Those little kindergartners take it quite seriously. :o)

Jasper loves playing slither and calculates his day according to how much time is left before he can play slither, or how long he gets to play slither that day, or how long he hopes he gets to be in slither, etc.

The other day, Brody said, "I'm batman AND superman AND spiderman!!" and Jasper immediately said, "Brody, are you the trinity, 3 in 1?"

Andrew continues to be the most wonderful man ever. Humble and kind, gracious and patient. He's enjoyed playing basketball in the city league for panasonic and now is starting softball with the church league. I'm really thankful that he has hobbies and an outlet.

I continue to love to do projects of many kinds. Landscaping, decorating, cooking and hosting are my major areas of outlet and enjoyment. The sickness from the pregnancy is mainly gone, for which I'm so thankful, and as long as I don't overdo it, I tend not to be too tired. Alas, however, I think I often overdo it. But I'm learning, which is good.

Well, need to go finish school and then we're ready to go to Home Depot and Micheals! Adios!

gender reveal

Oh my goodness! We're pregnant! Which came as a huge surprise to me, and Andrew... I think. I waver between feeling so excited and humbled that the Lord would choose us to be parents and His instruments of love to another precious little child, and feeling overwhelmed and sad that we're "starting over" again, back to the sleepless nights, nursing frustrations, teething, etc, etc.

I'm particularly overwhelmed with the thought of the baby being another boy. If it is a son, oh how I know that we'll love him (the future Walker Cade Meade). We'll love him so much our hearts will feel like they're going to burst and it will be 3 Muskateers running around, a precious little posse of boys. How utterly precious and special that will be.

Oh, but my heart aches for a daughter. It aches so, so much. And in my twisted, warped mind, I feel like there's no way God would ever give me something that I want so much. That He truly wouldn't want me to be happy and to have dreams come true. I know that's such a lie, straight from the pit of hell; straight from Satan himself. God is good. God is love. God is perfect. God is wise. He is a happy God, who yearns for godly, holy, and HAPPY people. And how He loves to give us the desires of our hearts. But have you ever yearned, truly yearned, so hard for something that your heart hurts? That's how I feel for a daughter. I shared with my small group at lbs last week that having a daughter was becoming an idol in my life and I asked for prayer as I tried to root out this sin of idolatry from my heart. They were faithful to pray, God was faithful to help, and my heart was much better. Much more focused on the Lord and His sweet attributes. There was joy and peace for the last week or so.

But then my heart got all twisted and sinful and ugly again. Andrew went on a business trip, the boys have been challenging, Brody's crapped his pants more times than I can remember, Jasper passively aggressively picks at Brody and tattles on him by praying stuff like, "dear God, please help brody not to take bites out of my special ball." and stuff like that. Constant interruptions, constant spills, constant discipline, single parenting, injuries, physical drama, emotional drama, head aches, sleepless nights, etc, etc. Exhaustion, emotions, discouragement, and bitterness have started overtaking my heart, and for the last 24 hours, I've been completely, totally a wreck. Mad at God for surely giving us another son when He knows how much I want a daughter, mad at the boys for taking such constant work and self-sacrifice, mad at my husband for having hobbies and restaurant food, mad, mad, mad. Another word would be sin. Or self-pity. Or pride. Or selfishness. Take your pick from any list of ugly sins. Those things are crowding my heart, stealing my joy, tainting my relationships, ruining my days.

Jennifer Koh has been an amazing help this past week or two, and she reminded me today of the verse in Psalm 34 (the chapter we're memorizing together), "I sought the Lord, and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears."

I pray that I will seek the Lord during this ugly time in my life. I pray that He'll give us a daughter, although I surely know I don't deserve one. I pray that if it's a son (I don't deserve a son, either), that He'll fill my heart with joy at being a momma of precious little men. And, also, how amazing that the God of the universe answers me?!? That's truly incredible. Maybe that will fill my mind as I go to sleep tonight instead of my selfish wonderings about whether lil' peanut is a girl or boy.

The Lord's kindness

 Oh my goodness! Everywhere I look, I feel so humbled by all of the kindness of the Lord. From a wonderful trip up to Ohio, to a precious first Christmas in our new home, to having Andrew off for several weeks, it's just such kindness from God. We've been having a wonderful winter thus far. The boys continue to grow and be a delight to us. We're really enjoying this stage with them. Jasper continues to be thoughtful and enjoys thinking about stuff and doing Legos and figuring out the time on his analog watch and other such things like that. Brody continues to be a joy and loves to makes a "splash" and make people laugh constantly. He's recently become enamored with big boys and follows them at church everywhere. The other day, Andrew asked there boys what they want to be when they grow up, and Jasper answered, "a robot" and Brody answered "a bad guy." I have a feeling these boys are going took keep us on our toes (and on our knees) frequently!

I'm pretty sick right now with a double ear infection, strep throat, a fever, a deep chest cough, and lots of vomiting, but I'm still just so humbled by how kind the Lord is in providing for us during the sickness. Mom Meade had taken the boys for the whole day, Amanda Pesce brought me Gatorade and crackers earlier, and then brought us a homemade chicken pot pie for dinner tonight. I've slept lots today and am feeling on the mend, praise God!

Brody's 3rd birthday- a truck party!!

Nana and Papa so sweetly flew down to join us!!

Jasper spent his own money to buy me a juice glass (aka a candle stick holder) from the Dollar Store. To this day, it's my favorite juice glass ever!!

Meades- family of 5!!

donut date!!

coolest dudes ever!!