A Tale of two Women

The following stories are completely, utterly true and have been so constantly on my heart, that I just have to record them in my blog so I can (hopefully) remember this for years to come.

Tale #1
It was several weeks ago. It was a rainy, dreary, dark, cloudy type of day. The type of day where you just want to pull the covers up over your head and go back to sleep... for a year or so... I had been home all week with the boys and planned a fun mall excursion today as our "big activity" for the week. The mall is a magical place that contains really cool stuff like escalators, Starbucks, and a child's play place so it was naturally a place we loved to go.

Taking 2 boys on a quick trip to the mall. Sounds easy enough, right?

Wrong.

It was just one of those days. One of those days where we shouldn't have left the house. One of those days you want to forget. One of those days where it's like planning a CIA black ops mission just to get loaded in the car. It literally went like this:

- get boys up. Get boys dressed. Get boys breakfast. Get boys cleaned up after breakfast.
~~ that first step alone took 1.5 hours~~~
then...
- Pack a change of clothes for Brody in case he has a poop explosion. Then, while I'm at it, pack a change of clothes for Jasper in case he spills his juice box all over himself, like he's prone to do.
- Then, pack diaper bag. But before packing the diaper bag, check to make sure it has diapers and wipes (I've packed it on many occasions only to find as I'm changing Brody's diaper at the zoo that there are neither diapers nor wipes in it).
- no wipes in the diaper bag. Run downstairs to grab a new package of wipes. Tell Jasper to entertain himself and put brody in the bouncy seat as I open said package of wipes, put most of them in Brody's wipe container in his room and put some in his wipe container in his diaper bag. NOW, pack diaper bag.
- pack formula for Brody's 11 o'clock bottle.
- whoops- remember to pack the actual bottle for Brody's 11 o'clock bottle.
- start boiling water for Brody's 11 o'clock bottle to put in a thermos in hopes of keeping it warm enough for his 11 o'clock bottle at the mall (for Brody will only drink his bottle if it's REALLY really warm. And as you know, malls aren't prone to having microwaves sitting around in convenient locations, so I boil water, put it in a thermos, pack the thermos, and hopefully have warm enough water for b's bottle).
- Oh man, Brody's crying. Take him out of bouncy seat and kinda bounce him on my hip while i'm scurrying about.
- next, pack lunch for Jasper. Hmm... what should I pack? what should I pack? we have rotten lettuce and a little mustard in the fridge.... what can I make outta those ingredients??? what to pack, what to pack.. oh man! Brody's really crying now.... jiggle him around, try to get him quiet... umm... oh! I know! I'll throw some dry cereal in a baggy and call that lunch.
- get cereal down from cupboard. Open it one-handed since other hand has brody on my hip. Attempt to pour cereal, one-handed, into a baggie laying prone on the counter. Not surprisingly, I spill the cereal all over the floor. Brody's really screaming now.
- run to brody's room, put him in crib, turn on sound machine, kiss him goodnight, close the door, run back out to the kitchen to find Jasper gleefully stomping on all the cereal all over the floor. "Wook, momma!! I'm a sqwooshin' da ceweal!!!".
- try not to cry.
- gently steer Jasper over to computer, pick out a Curious George for him to watch, start to go get the broom to clean up cereal only to have Jasper start crying that it's not the Curious George that he actually wanted to watch.
- try to decide whether to ignore him, switch Curious George's, or lovingly tell him to be quiet and watch the one I picked out. I pick latter.
- Jasper's whimpering while watching Curious George. Brody's crying in crib. I'm sweeping up "sqwooshed" cereal and still trying to figure out what to pack for lunch.
- OH! water's boiling!
- go to cupboard to grab thermos to put water in only to find that I left it at church on Sunday. Shoot.
- think think think. try to figure out if we have another thermos....
- run to basement to look for other thermos that might possibly (but possibly not) exist.
- cannot find phantom thermos. Shoot.
- run upstairs. think think think. Oh I know! I'll grab a travel coffee cup and hope that works.
- grab a travel coffee mug. Notice that it smells strongly like coffee and indeed has coffee stains on the inside.
- take a minute to ponder if a little coffee mixed in with brody's formula bottle will hurt the little guy.
- decide that it won't.
-pack coffee cup.
- then decide that, yes, it probably will.
-unpack coffee cup.
-wash coffee cup.
- repack the now clean coffee cup.
- then remember that there's no use packing the coffee cup till it actually has hot water in it.
- unpack coffee cup.
- jasper now asks for a snack.
- look around for a snack for Jasper.
- can't find one so grab some of the spilled dry cereal from the counter tops, throw it in a bowl, and put it in front of Jasper.
- start to go brush my teeth and hair to look "nice" for mall, then Jasper asks for a glass of water.
- stop, turn around, go back to kitchen, get a glass for Jasper, fill said glass with water, put it in front of Jasper.
- start to go brush my teeth and hair for the mall when Brody, who has been quiet, let's out a blood-curdling scream from his crib.
- rush in his room to check on him. His arm is hanging out of the crib slats and is all twisted.
- hurry to his rescue.
- notice that he smells.
- check his diaper only to find that it's full and leaking all over his cute mall outfit.
- change diaper, take off poopy cute mall outfit, decide to give quick bath.
- start to give Brody a quick bath. Jasper hears bath water running and skips joyfully into bathroom, asking if he can have a bath, too.
- mentally run through the last week, trying to remember when Jasper's last bath was. when I can't remember, I decide that, yes, maybe it would be a good idea if Jasper had a bath, too.
- Undress Jasper.
- bathe both boys.
- get soaking wet in the process.
- now all 3 of us needs a change of clothes for the mall.
- mentally realize that my hot water in the non-coffee-stained coffee cup is probably not hot anymore.
- rush to kitchen to start boiling more water.
- start boiling new water when I hear a loud thud and Jasper starts screaming.
- rush to hallway to find that Jasper fell. and is screaming. loudly.
- cuddle with precious Jasper while gently teaching him how to "suffer in silence"
- and so on..
- and so on..
- and so on...

Skip ahead another hour or so when we finally make it to the car for our "fun excursion." I'm exhausted. Brody's exhausted. Jasper's exhausted.

But we're gonna have fun, darn it, even if it kills us.

make it to the mall. After unbuckling, unsnapping, lifting, heaving, pushing, sweating, gritting teeth, ignoring the cries of both kids, gritting teeth some more, fighting back tears of my own, ignoring judgmental stares of other moms who look like they just stepped out of a JCrew catalog, we finally make it to the playplace, our first stop on this joyful experience.

Jasper goes to play. He's running full blast and doesn't see the other kid who's running full blast, and the 2 collide. Hard. Like, really hard. Full-scale screaming ensues. I panic that Jasper might be seriously injured. I'm truly worried for a concussion. Scoop Jasper up in my arms, rock him, utter sweet nothings in his ear while the poor little one is gulping/screaming/face red/weeping/panicking. Brody, who is in the stroller, is also screaming because he's starving. I scoop Brody out of stroller while still holding Jasper, who's still screaming. I'm now holding two screaming little boys and am trying to use my 3rd and 4th arms/hands to get the coffee cup of luke-warm water out of the bottom of the stroller. I finally get coffee cup, am holding coffee cup, screaming and thrashing Brody and screaming and panicking Jasper and am attempting to dump the powdered formula and lukewarm water into the bottle and spill all of it... all over my pants... Now I have NO bottle for my screaming infant. My screaming toddler still can't tell me what his name is, I'm so worried he has a concussion, I'm soaked in formula water, I have no idea what to do, where to go, how to act, what priority takes 1st place, when all of a sudden, a lady from across the room walks up to me and says,

"Oh. my. gosh. I do NOT miss those days. At all."

She glares at me with pity. Glares at my screaming children with contempt. And turns on her heel and walks away.

I lost it. I started weeping. and weeping. and weeping. I couldn't stop. I was literally overcome with so many emotions. Despair, discouragement, exhaustion, disappointment, bitterness, self-pity.

But mainly just lots and lots of discouragement. I thought motherhood was supposed to be special. a wonderful thing where the children look good and rarely cry and "rise up and call you blessed." No one told me it was going to be hard. Sometimes, really really hard. I was already having a "no-good, awful, totally-rotten" day. This was supposed to be our fun excursion. And not only was it a nightmare, but a complete stranger came up and reinforced to me that, yes, I was indeed living a nightmare. I started counting the years till the boys would be in school. I started resenting them. I starting thinking about going back to work just so I could escape these "awful days", as that lady implied.

I was having a hard day. But after the lady said "I do NOT miss those days. At all.", resentment and self-pity and discouragement filled my heart and I started having a sinful day. A dark, dark day. Because of her words and the effect I let them have on my heart and soul.

Her words discouraged me in such a deep, deep way and it took me days to get my heart right again.

This is the end of Tale #1

*** side note- never, ever, ever, ever, in a million years say this to a young mom. You would be SHOCKED at how many times ppl come up to me and say things like this. It's truly the most awful thing you can say to a young mom.***

NOW....

Tale #2

This tale takes place on Monday, 3 days ago. Jasper and I both had the flu last week. Brody had also been teething last week and running a fever, so all 3 of us had a pretty rough week last week. The weekend was better and by Monday, all 3 of us were pretty much back to normal. For a special treat, I asked Jasper if he wanted to go on a "doughnut date" with me to our local Tim Horton's.

He was ECSTATIC. Yes, yes, yes! He did want to go on a doughnut date with me (and Brody, of course).

We got to Tim Horton's and Brody starts crying. Why? Who knows. He truly doesn't cry all that often. But at Tim Horton's, I think he was just pretty tired so he started fussing. We ordered our doughnuts and our drinks. I was holding the tray and brody when a straw flew off the tray and rolled under the counter. Jasper very joyfully said, "I'll get it, Momma!!" and raced over to the straw (I'm watching this all unfold in slow motion and it was awful), bent down, didn't realize he was under a countertop, grabbed the straw, and bounced up super fast to show me that he got my straw for me. Except the countertop was at that perfectly awful height where he smacked the back of his head against the counter at full blast and instantly dropped to the floor.

He curled up in a ball and started screaming at the top of his lungs (with good reason!). I thought he might have cracked his skull open, got a concussion, etc. I instantly set the tray on the floor, set brody on the floor (who didn't like that and started screaming at the top of his lungs) and scooped up my screaming, screaming Jasper, who's just rocking back and forth in a fetal position.

Now thankfully, up till now, the restaurant had been empty.

I'm sitting cross legged on the floor, holding screaming Jasper, while screaming Brody is on the floor beside us. I hear the Tim Horton's workers behind me, snickering at the look on Jasper's face. It... infuriates... me! I cannot explain how mad that made me. The Lord helped me to ignore them, thankfully. Then I hear that bell jingle. The one that signifies that a customer has just opened the door and is coming into the restaurant. I inwardly sigh and outwardly try not to cry. Last week had been really hard and exhausting and now our "fun special date" has turned out to be really hard and exhausting.

I scoop up both boys, leave the tray on the ground, carry them both to a booth, put them down on the booth which only makes them scream louder, go back, get the tray, notice the sweet elderly couple who had just entered the restaurant, take the tray back to the table, scoop up both screaming boys again, and just sit there and hold them. And hold them, and hold them.

That's when I noticed that, out of the entire EMPTY restaurant, the elderly couple had chosen to sit at the booth right behind me. I instantly thought, "are you kidding me?! They sat right beside me??? Why on earth couldn't they have sat across the restaurant from my screaming boys? At least that way I wouldn't feel too bad about the fuss they're making.."

I'm frustrated. exhausted. discouraged. and just plain weary.

I turn my head, make eye contact with the sweet elderly lady, and say, "I'm so sorry my children are crying."

And do you know what she says? This is important. This is the whole point of the blog. If you've zoned out because this is turning into a novel, now is the time to zone back in.

She says....

"Oh darlin'. Don't you worry about a thing. It's just music to our ears."

I blink.

I blink again. This is not the normal attitude when young children are crying in public.

I look at her. Her nose is about 2 inches away from my nose, so Jasper and Brody are literally screaming in her ears. She's probably 75 and grinning at me sweetly from ear to ear. She has on a brown, curly wig that's all crooked and falling down the side of her face. I glance at her husband and he's grinnin' at his wife, bobbing his head in agreement.

And then I started quietly crying. Crying tears of humble gratitude. Crying because I needed encouragement and the Lord sent encouragement. Crying because a complete stranger just gave my screaming children worth. Crying because I didn't feel belittled for having young children or for daring to take them out in public. Crying quiet tears of thankfulness for the sweet reminder that my screaming children are blessings.

And then she speaks again.

She says....

"Darlin', I know days with little ones can be hard. Really hard. But I want you to always remember this: you are doing important, valuable work. Little boys need their mommas and your little boys are some of the luckiest in the world, because they get to have their momma all day, every day. They. are. so. blessed. I know things can be hard. But these are some of the most precious years of your life and cling to them for all you're worth. Cling so tightly. Value them and savor them and cherish each day. They're gonna be gone before you know it and you'll miss them all the time. I know it's hard, darlin', but you're doing important work. (then she turns to her husband, who's still bobbin' his head and smiling in the background) Isn't she, Darol? Isn't she doin' important work?"

and Darol says, "You sure are, you sure are! These were our favorite years of our life, and we've had a really good life. Cherish these years. They're so special."  and he smiles and bobs his head some more.

and sweet, elderly lady turns back to me and says once again, "Cherish these days for all you're worth."

I left Tim Horton's that day, still tired, but with a spring in my step and a tenderness toward my children that had been missing for weeks. I left feeling refreshed and renewed, thanks to sweet Darol and his wife. I left feeling blessed.

And this is the whole point of the blog:

Choose your words carefully, for they can be life or death to someone.

The tongue is so powerful and your words have the ability to discourage and tear down a soul. And they have the ability to bless and refresh and renew a soul.

Which do you want to be, Natalie? The lady from the mall who broke your spirit? Or sweet Darol's wife, who renewed your desperately weary soul?

"A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit." Proverbs 15:4