Everyday Moments: goodbyes

Oh my gracious. Goodbyes are brutal, and today has been full of them. First, at Maranatha. The church that has been our home for 9 years. The pastor who has prayed for us, preached to us, put us on the spot of saying "yes" or "no" to Christ, cried with us, counseled us, mentored us, and encouraged us time after time. Fellow believers we have worshiped alongside with week after week, month after month, year after year, lifting up our hands in praise and digging deep into the bible together to hear words of life. Friends who love us enough to speak hard words to us, friends who lived life with us daily. Friends who not only pray for us, but pray with us around kitchen tables as we share our hearts and our struggles and our fears and our desperate need for less of "us" and more of Christ.

Then... goodbyes to my family. I've never lived far from my family. Never, ever. Saying goodbye to them today was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I know it's not a "forever" goodbye by any means.. more a of "see you at Christmas" goodbye. But... knowing that I can't just meet my momma for Starbucks anytime I want or take Jasper to see Papa in his combine or have Cade and Jamal over for our weekly dinner.. I can no longer offer to watch Daniel James to give Jurga a break or call Mel to see if we can get together with our kiddos... it's all so hard. I've said goodbye to churches before, I've said goodbye to friends before, but I've never said goodbye to family before. This particular version of "goodbye" is changing my life in a way that it's never, ever changed before and it's heart wrenching.

And then... tonight at small groups. Saying goodbye to families who we have shared with, loved, and worshiped with for years. Families with whom laughter comes easily and bonds form quickly. Families who have cooked meals for us through the birth of two sons, a tonsillectomy, an emergency tonsillectomy hemorrhage, and a move to Georgia. Families who have offered their time and services to me constantly through the years and who do so with smiles and joy. Families who love my kids and love us and love God and who aren't shy about saying so. Families who have genuine faith.

3 major goodbyes... all in the same day... brutally hard on my emotional and raw heart.

Yet...

God is SO good. Just look at everything I wrote above. GOD has given us Maranatha. GOD has graciously given us pastors who love Him and love us and fellow believers with whom we have worshiped with for the last 9 years. GOD has graciously given us such good friends... and not just one or two good friends, but He has given us countless "heart" friends. GOD has given me an amazing family and it is He who has allowed me to live so close to them for the past 30 years. GOD placed us in the small group that has loved us and encouraged us over the years. God is so, so very good to us!! We don't deserve any of this, yet God graciously gave it to us, and in such abundance!! We've had a hard, hard, hard day saying goodbye to so many people we love, but how awesome of God to give us these people and friendships in the first place.

We are so thankful to Him! And we also trust in Him as we move to Georgia.

A passage that is sweet to my heart right now:

"Thus says the Lord,
'Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart turns away from the Lord. He is like a shrub in the desert, and shall not see any good come. He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness, in an uninhabited salt land.

But, blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.' "

My heart prays the above passage constantly. That my trust IS the Lord. I need God. If I've learned anything over the past week, is that I can't do this on my own strength. I. need. God.

My heart is fickle and my emotions raw and my strength dwindling and my stress level high. My body is weary and my children exhausted and my orderly life now chaotic. My fingernails are chipping and my cooking non-existent and my clothes mis-matched and yogurt stained. My house is a wreck and my garage stuffed to the brim with boxes and my shower moldy and my kitchen floor growing 180 different colonies of bacteria. My eyes have constant tears and my fingers clutch tissues and my thoughts are a current jumble of sadness. My questions regarding the sale of our house are many and my anxiety is a constant battle and my fear of having to work the night shift at Taco Bell to support my husband through school is real. My pre-schooler is rebelling and my infant is teething and my patience is paper thin and my inbox is full of emails needing replies.

If I think on these things, even for the briefest of moments, I get overwhelmed with the weight of it all and start battling the sin of anxiety and discouragement. So my prayer is that I don't think on these things. That I don't trust in man, but rather trust in the Lord!!

For...

the Lord is my strength and my shield. And my hope. And my Savior. And my Maker, Redeemer, Sustainer, and Healer. He's the one who forgives all my sins and intercedes for me. He prays for me when I simply don't have the words. He's the one who knows all the wretched things I'm thinking and yet loves me despite it all. He's the one who died a gruesome death so I could live. He's the one who bought me at such a high price that it cost Him His very own Son. He's the one who is working in me to make me more like Him. He's the one who has planned this move to Georgia and He's the one who goes before us and works out all the details, to His praise and glory! He's the one who gives me the grace to handle my rebellious toddler. He's the one who gives me strength when I've been up at nihgt with my teething infant. He's the one who lets me realize that my dirty kitchen floor has no eternal value but reading verses to my children does. He's the one who provides for us again. and again. and again when we desperately need it. He's the one who calms my fears of working the 4th meal at Taco Bell and gives me a gracious spirit about it. He's the one who provides all I need for life and godliness and it's in Him that I trust!!

** (I should clarify- I don't really need to work at Taco Bell. Andrew just happened to mention last night right before we went to bed that if our house doesn't sell in a timely manner, I may need to get a job to pay the mortgage since Andrew is bound by school regulations and isn't allowed to get a job outside of his TA position. Mentioning that to me- A. right before bed and B. at a very emotional time in my life- may not have been the wisest idea as I spent most of the night crying and telling the Lord that I will make burritos for a living if He wanted me to, but I desperately wanted to raise my children instead.)

** A few pics from the day~~

My parents threw us a wonderful, wonderful going away party at the Delaware State Park. It was such a treat to get to spend time together one last time before the move.