They say that women speak 50,000 words in a day and men only speak 10,000 words in a day. In other words, we women speak 5 times more than the average male.
Well, Jasper blows that statistic out of the water; he apparently is NOT the average male.
Jasper talks. He talks and talks and talks. He talks until he's blue in the face and he's talks until he's talked both my ears off. He talks. He LOVES to talk. Talk, talk, talk, talk.
I love it. I delight in it. I truly do. I love that he's talking and I love talking with him.
But... if I could, I would change 1 thing. I would add another topic or 2 to his conversation list.
He currently has 2.
Don't get me wrong. He knows prob 200 words and uses all of them throughout the day (IE Jasper will say "andel! top! gooory Gooood!!" aka "there's an angel on top of the Christmas tree and the angel says, 'Glory to God!'")
But he really only has 2 conversation topics and I'm really starting to loath them with every fiber of my being. Every day, all day, for the last 6 weeks has gone exactly like this, verbatim (and no, I'm not exaggerating):
Jasper- "Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! "
me- "yes Jasper, we saw a helicopter 6 weeks ago!"
J- "Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Ome. Ome. Ome. Doe duh ome. Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Ome, ome, ome, ome, ome."
me- "yes baby. the helicopter went home."
J- "Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Ife. Ife. iiiife. iiiife. Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh ife. Ife. Ife. Ife. Ife. Ife. Ife."
me- "yes baby. The pilot in the helicopter was driving it. And he drove it home."
J- "Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Boo-boo? boo-boo? boo-boo? Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! boo-boo? boo-boo? Doe duh!"
me- "no honey. The helicopter doesn't have a boo-boo. The helicopter is healthy."
J- "Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Ome. Ome. Ome. Ome. Ome. Ome. Ome. Ome. Ome. Ome. Ome. Ome."
me- "yes baby. The helicopter went home."
J- "Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! ife. ife. ife. ife. ife. ife. Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! ife! ife! ife! Ome. ife!"
me- "yes, baby. The pilot was driving and he drove that crazy helicopter home."
Now, after 45 consecutive mornings of this exact conversation, often it's right about now that my patience for that darn helicopter is starting to wear thin, and seeing as Jasper has no intention to stop this circular conversation, I start trying to use diversion distraction, and bribery.
J- "Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh!"
me- "yes baby. We saw a helicopter. But look at this AMAZING ball!"
J- "Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh!"
me- "let's talk about dogs!!! Jasper, say 'dog!'"
J- "Dog. Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh!"
me- "Cats!! Jasper, say "cat'!"
J- "Cat! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh!"
me- "Chocolate, candy, sugar, syrup!!"
J- "Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh!"
me- "cookies!! Big, yummy, chocolatey cookies!!!"
J- "Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh!"
me- "Jasper, I will give you $10 if you stop talking about that helicopter."
J- "Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh!"
me- "Jasper, I will literally give you everything I own if you stop talking about helicopters. I will give you money, sugar, a trip to Disney World, a puppy, a pony, ANYTHING!!"
J- "Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh!"
And right about now is when I am praying to the God of the universe to give me patience for this dang helicopter. I hear so much about heli's that I now dream about them. In fact, I have nightmares about them. I never want to hear about one or see one ever again in my life. However, there is one foolproof way to get Jasper to stop talking about helicopters. It's his only other conversation topic and I only pull it out in extreme emergencies. After 20 minutes of non-stop talk about the dang helicopter, I feel like an extreme emergency is ensuing, and so I pull out his only other topic....
J- "Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh!"
me- "SUGAR!"
J- "Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh! Doe duh!"
- deep breath... do I really want to do this? yes, I do...
me- "Hey Jasper. Poop!"
Complete silence (for the 1st time all morning) as Jasper stares at me in wide-eyed wonderment.
Then....
J- "Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Me!! Mee!! Meeee! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Me! Poop! Poop! Poop! MEEE! MEEEEE!!!!!!!"
me- "Yes honey. Sometimes you poop."
J- Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Ail. ail. ail. Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Ail. Ail. Ail. Ail. Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Ail. Ail. Ail."
me- "Yes baby, you're right. We put your poopy diapers in the diaper pail."
J- "Poop! Poop! Poop! Assshhh. Ants. Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Assshhh. Ants. Poop! Poop! Poop! Assshhhh. Ants. Poop! Poop! Poop! Asshhhh. Ants. Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Asshhhh. Ants. Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Assshhh. Ants. Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Asssshhh. Poop!"
me- "yes sweetie. you're right. Sometimes poop gets on your pants and then we need to wash them."
J- "Poop! Poop! MEE!!!! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! MEE! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! ME!"
me- "yes baby. Sometimes you poop."
J- "Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Ail. Ail. Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Ail. Ail. Poop! Poop! Ail. Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Ail."
me- "yes baby, when you have a poopy diaper, we put it in the diaper pail."
and after 20 minutes of this non-ending conversation about Jasper's poop and when neither love, money, or bribery will take his mind off his poop, I take a deep breath and say:
"Hey Jasper! Remember that one time when we saw a helicopter?"
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