This is interesting for us. Up till now, much or our parenting has been "we love you! And this is 'no touch'." or things similar to that. Now, all of a sudden, parenting Jasper has become a lot more about attitudes and "imaginary play" rather than the simplicity of "no touch".
In a quest for knowledge, we've started seeking wisdom. We've read the Bible, parenting books, and have asked a lot of questions from our parents and other wise people in the church. For my sake (i don't want to forget these things) and for your sake (if anyone of you are about to enter this stage), I thought I would record the things we've recently learned:
From the bible:
- the love of Christ controls us. Everything flows from love, because Christ first loved us.
- follow the example of Christ in serving one another (this includes parents serving children)
- if we love our child, we will teach, train, nurture, and discipline them day after day. hour after hour.
- gladly spend and be spent for lost souls
From John McArthur's book "The Fulfilling Family"
- always bring the child back to the gospel
- always start with positive instruction and positive reinforcement
- lead by example
- as a last resort, discipline for willful, defiant rebellion
- the best parent is creative in their discipline and tries to link the consequence with the offending action
- esteem my children more highly than myself
- the amount of positive things that I say to my children should be an avalanche compared to the negative things I say
From Joel and Jennifer Koh
- set aims for what you want to see accomplished in your children in this stage of life. After prayer and discussion, Andrew and I decided our 2 aims for the boys would be: 1. first-time obedience, and 2. be children marked by kindness and respect.
- when you discipline, don't make it merely an inconvenience, but make it noticeable.
From Lynn Crotts, our Pastor's wife
- everything is built upon first-time obedience. She equates it with reading. If you can read, the world is at your fingertips. You can learn anything, do anything, accomplish anything, be anything you want to be, go anywhere you want to go, etc. That's the same with first-time obedience. If your children learn to obey instantly the first time you give them instruction, then that is the foundation upon which everything is built, including their character, morals, world view, life choices, obedience to authority in school and in life, etc. Without that first-time obedience, it's much harder to establish that good foundation. Of course there are exceptions to this rule. But this is what she has learned through her study of parenting.
From Amber Williams, our elder's wife:
She has 2 expectations for her children. 1. she expects them to sin and she expects to have to lovingly train them and instruct them in how to act. 2. She expects them to obey once she gives them the loving instruction. If they fail to meet expectation #2, that's where they run into problems.
My mom:
Jasper is indeed a boy. Oh boy, he is ALL boy! :o) he needs a place to be a boy, which I whole-heartedly agree with. Give him a place and a time to act like a kind dragon/hyena. But also instruct him on when and where he's NOT to act like a dragon/hyena. Make it fun for him instead of stifling for him. If he has an outlet for his imaginary play, it will be good for his heart. And it is. :o)
Andrew's parents:
There is a distinct difference between "childish irresponsibility" and "willful rebellion". Be careful not to confuse the two. For example, if we tell Jasper not to touch his toy during dinner and he truly, truly forgets and touches it and then is instantly sorry, that's childish irresponsibility. The sweet boy just forgot. It's not defiant rebellion. Don't discipline a child for childish irresponsibility, but do lovingly discipline for willful, defiant rebellion.
Anyway, it's late at night and I need to crawl in bed with my sick husband, but I wanted to be sure and record what I'm learning about parenting for my sake. I know a month down the road, I'll start to forget this all and I'll wish I had written it down, so... future Natalie, here it is.
I'm so thankful for these wise, wise people who are willing to listen to me and then advise me with sound, biblical advice. I would say the 2 main things I am grateful to be "refreshed" on are these: 1. Esteem Jasper and Brody higher than myself and 2. Start with positive instruction and positive reinforcement and let my positive words toward them be an avalanche.
No comments:
Post a Comment