the worst Valentine's Day ever

I want to preface this whole thing by saying that Andrew did nothing wrong. Nothing. He did everything right. This is a story of my sin, my forgiving Savior and husband, and lavish love that I don't deserve.

That being said...

Valentine's Day was awful. Truly awful. We fished... as a family (does that make it better or worse?). And that was pretty much it. 

You see, we had agreed ahead of time to NOT celebrate Valentine's Day. We had lots of good reasons why we shouldn't celebrate it. 

1. we're poor

2. I was on crutches, having dislocated my knee

3. we're poor

4. our free babysitters were out-of-state

5. we're poor

6. Andrew was very busy at school that week and was also very busy at home that week, taking care of the boys since I wasn't able to and also taking care of me since I wasn't able to.

7. we didn't have any coupons to any restaurants or any gifts cards, so we couldn't really afford to.

So, we thought it a wise and prudent thing to skip Valentine's Day this year, and I was completely on board with the whole thing. In fact, it was my idea. 

And then,,,,, Valentine's Day arrived. And as the day wore on, I quickly found out that Andrew really, truly, honestly DID skip it. **Cue ominous music**

Of course he was supposed to. And I wanted him to. And we financially needed him to. But then pride, and selfishness, and ugliness all started crowding my heart and my mind and Valentine's Day quickly became miserable. It was made much worse by all those lovey-dovey pictures and statuses on facebook. Oh, facebook, how I love thee and loathe thee.

And, for anyone who knows me at all, you know that I LOVE events. I LOVE LOVE LOVE events and parties and celebrations and holidays and all things fun and glamorous. I yearn for them deep in my soul. So in retrospect, Valentine's Day, the day of looove, was not a wise one for us to skip. 

But let me get on with the story of my sin, forgiveness, and love.

Anyway, on Valentine's Day, we fished and did nothing else.

For a girl who hates to fish, it was a... creative way to spend valentine's day. This fishing expedition also included a "quick" stop at KMART beforehand bc andrew wanted to buy 3,964 ounces of canned peaches for $3.00. This quick stop ended up taking well over an hour, with no peaches to be found, with empty stomachs well after lunch time, a 3 year old boy who was quite eager to fish, and a baby who was missing his morning nap. We were entering the disaster zone.

Then, we arrived at our fishing grounds only to find out we had to pay to park in the parking lot. Andrew refused to pay the $5 b/c we couldn't ("couldn't" is a relative term) afford to. We fished, caught nothing, were really cold, and had an ok time. Toward the end of our fishing expedition, when we were half a mile away from our car, we noticed a police officer. Giving our car a ticket. Because we refused to pay. We're so, so far away from our car. I mean, truly far away, on the end of a dock in the middle of a huge, deep lake. We start panicking. I grab my crutches whilst holding brody and our huge, expensive camera, and start "sprinting" toward the police officer on my crutches. I apologized profusely, cried even though I tried not to, and begged for mercy. He did show great mercy toward me, the crying crippled lady with the baby, and decided not to give me a ticket. This whole ordeal took a long time and I fully expected my husband to be swooping in to rescue me anytime. The police officer left, my knee was throbbing in pain, I'm out of breath, still crying, about to drop brody, and I look back to see Andrew and Jasper still casually fishing off the end of the pier, seemingly oblivious to the whole ordeal. At this point, i'm struggling deeply with sinful, selfish attitudes.

We get home, I'm in so much pain, in a sinful mood, the boys are a wreck, I'm super hungry and Andrew turns to me and says, "did you brush your hair today?" I said, "yes" and he said "Oh! I can tell."

And that was the one and only compliment I received the entire Valentine's Day. At this point, my sinfulness is starting to consume my heart.

We get the boys down for naps and Andrew walks over to me on the couch and says, "I'm thinking of going upstairs and lighting some candles for my mom for Valentine's Day. I think it would be really special for her. I also think I'll make her a card and try to decorate her kitchen. Is it ok if I leave you and go upstairs for a while to do all that?" (seriously, how sweet is that?! Andrew is such a great man!)

I encouraged him to go upstairs and do that for his mom. And he turned and started to leave to do that very thing.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is when all that ugliness and sin in my heart came pouring out. I'm sure you can imagine the scene. Huge sobs that wrack my entire body. Awful self-pity. Awful sentences that said things like, "You're going to light candles and decorate for your mom but you don't light a single candle or decorate for me?!?" Awful selfishness. Awful sin. 

I am such a great sinner. And this was so evident on Valentine's Day afternoon during this fight with Andrew (poor andrew). I'm such a great sinner, but praise God, I have such a great Savior.

Anyway, Valentine's Day continued on, we never really resolved our issues, it ended, and it was truly the worse Valentine's Day ever. Not because Andrew took me at my word and skipped it. Not because I didn't get chocolates, flowers, a card, or a date. But because I was so consumed with my self. I was so sinful. My heart was ugly and I felt emotionally ugly all over. It was awful awful awful.

But... (don't you love "but's"???), the Lord convicted my heart. And continued to do so relentlessly until Sunday afternoon when I was so overwhelmed with sorrow for my sin. I couldn't take it anymore and begged the Lord to forgive me, and He so sweetly did!!! 

"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins." 1 John 1:9 How awesome is that?!? It's such a sweet promise.

Then I asked my sweet husband to forgive me, and he did, too, without a moment's hesitation! It's a forgiveness that I don't deserve and so often take for granted. Andrew is such a great, great man. 

We talked, had a heart-to-heart and decided that we should never truly skip Vday again. This last thur evening, when we were getting ready for bed, Andrew turned to me and said, "Would you please do me the honor of  going out on a fancy date with me tomorrow night for Valentine's Day?" 

This man. Oh, my. He's so great. 

Despite my sin and ugliness, despite my selfishness and pride, he not only forgave me but lavishly poured love out on me. Not only did we go on a date, but we also got super dressed up for this date and he bought me a crosiage and chocolates and wine and said sweet nothings to me the whole time. It was such a sweet blessing that I didn't deserve. 

It was the best Valentine's Date ever.